“Situationships” Are the New Normal for Our Kids
Helping the Next Generation Build Meaningful Relationships
When I met my wife on a dating app, I thought I was lucky (and since she’s still here, I still am). Looking at modern dating now, I’ve come to realize just how fortunate I am. This wasn’t a happy accident or neat coincidence. My wife is spectacular, and she pulled me out of the dating scene just before COVID hit. I might as well have caught the last helicopter out of Saigon.
A quick search through just about any social media site will be filled with lamentations on the dystopian hellscape that is the dating scene. Gone are the days when relationships naturally developed through friends, family, or community ties. Instead, dating apps have reshaped the entire landscape, creating imbalances that leave many struggling to find meaningful connections.
At the center of this shift is the ‘situationship’—a murky, undefined entanglement that offers the illusion of romance without real commitment, that has become common in dating. This raises an important question for fathers: how can we help our kids build healthy, fulfilling relationships in a world that seems designed to prevent them?
What Is a Situationship and Why Are So Many Stuck in Them?
Situationships have become a defining feature of modern dating, enough that even the Cleveland Clinic - one of the top medical institutions in the world - has felt the need to weigh in due to the level of mental and emotional distress they cause. The clinic defines a situationship as “a relationship that lacks commitment, clear boundaries, or labels… It offers elements of friendship and romance but without the stability of a real partnership.”
Complicated relationships aren’t new but dating apps made situationships far more common by creating a major imbalance. It’s played out like this: with men being the significant majority of dating app users, women receive overwhelming attention. This allowed women to be highly selective, yet many still struggled to find genuine connections. This is because women regularly pursued the same pool of men, enabling most sought-after men move freely from one woman to the next with little incentive to commit. Meanwhile, the rest of the men are generally overlooked, leading many to disengage from dating altogether.
While nature may appear to be healing with dating app user numbers in decline, the social impact of the divide apps created is alive and well. Many women invest time and energy into relationships that ultimately go nowhere, leaving them emotionally exhausted and disheartened about finding real commitment. Meanwhile, many men struggle with feelings of inadequacy because they aren’t part of the select few receiving attention. In the end, both sides are left feeling dissatisfied and discouraged.
Some may argue this is the new normal that we must adapt to, but I’d suggest the rising dissatisfaction and anxiety modern dating inspires indicate otherwise. Are we to simply sit back and watch as our children grow up with this as their future? Instead of passively accepting the status quo, we should equip our kids to seek something better.
Don’t Be That Guy: Teaching Boys to Pursue with Confidence and Integrity
As we’ve discussed before, our children learn about love and relationships from watching us, which means we have the opportunity to mentor and help steer them away from the pitfalls of modern dating.
Our sons need to understand that waiting around for matches on an app isn’t the best approach and to learn to pursue relationships respectfully and purposely. That starts with being proactive. Sitting back and hoping isn’t a dating strategy.
Beyond simply meeting people, our sons need to develop the social skills that create attraction. Confidence, the ability to hold a conversation, and emotional intelligence all matter more than looks alone.
They also need to understand that rejection is a natural part of dating. Not every woman will be interested, and that’s okay. What matters is how they handle it. Learning to move on with confidence instead of resentment is crucial.
At the same time, they must be taught to pursue women with respect. There’s a fine line between persistence and pressure. Expressing interest is fine, but they need to recognize when to back off and ensure they never make someone feel uncomfortable or obligated.
Most importantly, they need to recognize that commitment is not a weakness. Many young men today are being conditioned to see relationships as a game to win, rather than a meaningful partnership to build. But choosing to invest in one person and create something real is a sign of strength - not limitation.
Know Your Worth: Helping Our Daughters Set Healthy Relationship Standards
For our daughters, the lesson is different but just as vital. Real confidence isn’t about tolerating mistreatment; it’s about having the self-respect to walk away from someone who doesn’t value you.
Young women need to know their worth beyond their romantic relationships. Encouraging them to find their value in family, personal achievements, and friendships creates a foundation of confidence that doesn’t rely on outside validation. A person who truly understands their worth won’t waste time with someone who doesn’t. But this kind of self-assurance doesn’t happen by accident; it has to be cultivated from an early age.
As fathers, we play a crucial role in shaping our daughters' expectations of how they should be treated. If they grow up seeing love modeled through respect, patience, and care, they will internalize those standards and refuse to accept anything less.
At the same time, they need to be taught discernment. Modern dating culture bombards young women with conflicting messages. On one hand, they are encouraged to be endlessly accommodating. On the other, they are told to chase an unrealistic ‘high-value man’ who meets impossible standards.
The result? Confusion, frustration, and an increasing number of women caught in relationships that leave them unfulfilled.
Our daughters need guidance to recognize what truly matters: consistency, kindness, and shared values. Real love isn’t about chasing the most sought-after person. It’s about choosing someone who genuinely respects and cherishes them.
Relying on Dating Apps Alone Is a Mistake
I met my wife on a dating app, so I won’t say they should be avoided entirely. But it’s important to be realistic about how they function. Dating apps have turned romance into a numbers game, where most people swipe endlessly without truly investing in anyone. For the small percentage of men who get the majority of attention, commitment is rare. Women often find themselves overwhelmed with options but frustrated by the lack of genuine connections. For the majority of men who receive little to no engagement, dating apps can feel like an exercise in futility.
Dating apps can be a useful tool, but they shouldn’t be the primary way young people seek relationships. They should put just as much effort into forming connections in real life. Whether through shared activities, work, school, or social events, real relationships are built through experiences, not convenience. For thousands of years, people found love without a digital marketplace, and they still can.
We can’t change the world our kids are growing up in, but we can equip them to navigate it wisely. By modeling healthy relationships, teaching them the value of commitment, and helping them recognize their worth, we can prepare them for a future where they don’t have to settle for less than they deserve.
Situationships may be common, but they don’t have to be the norm. Let’s raise a generation that values respect, integrity, and real love. Because love isn’t about accepting the bare minimum; it’s about finding something real.