Loving Our Kids & Country: Should We Teach Our Children to Be Patriotic?

If we want a better country, we have to raise people willing to work to fix it.

Hey y’all - happy early Fourth of July! It’s always been a favorite holiday of mine - especially since it also happens to be my birthday. That’s made it feel all the more meaningful, especially now that I get to share it with my son.

Hard to believe, but it’s been almost seven months since I launched The Fatherhood Framework. If you’ve enjoyed reading along, the best birthday gift you could give - is to share it with someone who might appreciate it too.

Thanks for following along and being part of the ride.

I’ve always loved the Fourth of July. Part of that comes from the fact that I was born on it - and that I shared that birthday with my grandpa on my mom’s side, which made it a personally special holiday growing up.

As a result, I’ve always felt a natural pull toward the 4^th of July’s particular brand of patriotism. Not just because of the birthday coincidence, but because it is a day rooted in family, tradition, and celebration. Watching fireworks with my son now, just like I did with my parents and grandparents, feels like a continuation of something meaningful. It’s fair to say that being an American has always felt personal to me - something I was proud of, and something worth preserving.

This makes me all the more frustrated that phrases like “I love America” feel so loaded. Depending on who’s listening, people either brace for a country music singalong and a fireworks show - or assume you’re about to launch into a 15-minute monologue on why loving America is a sign of moral rot. Somehow, national pride has turned into a cultural Rorschach test: some people see George Washington crossing the Delaware, others see a bald eagle punching a rainbow flag. When people hear ‘patriot’ they hear what they want to hear.

But that word - patriot - has been stretched, twisted, mocked, and misused to the point where many people avoid it entirely. Understandably so. It’s been hijacked by slogans and reduced to a series of shallow performances: waving flags, reciting pledges, singing anthems. And on the other end, it’s been treated like a relic from a time before we “knew better” - as if love of country means you’ve ignored its flaws.

This has created a weird dynamic for children. They are pushed into a false choice: either celebrate blindly, reject completely, or ignore it all.

There’s a better option. We can raise children who love their country with eyes wide open. Kids who know that patriotism isn’t a costume or a hashtag. It’s not red hats or protest signs. It’s a mindset - one rooted in responsibility, hard work, and perseverance.

So here’s the plain truth: we should teach our kids to be patriotic.

Patriotism Is More Than a Symbol

Somewhere along the way, patriotism got confused with props. For some, it’s about optics - flags on trucks, anthem rituals, posting about “freedom” while tuning out civic duty. For others, it’s about endless critique, where every historical failing is treated as proof that the country is fundamentally broken and not worth the effort of saving.

Both extremes are loud. Both get attention. And both miss the point entirely.

No, literally wrapping yourself in the flag does not make your rant on campaign finance reform more valid, Craig. We’ve talked about this.

Kids don’t need a checklist of gestures and litmus tests to prove their loyalty. They need something more meaningful: a framework for living as citizens. They need to learn how to love something that’s imperfect - and how to contribute to it in ways that make it better.

Patriotism should teach the next generation to ask big questions, not just memorize answers. It should help them understand that liberty and justice aren’t just words - they’re promises. Promises that require work; promises that can fall short, but still matter all the same.

Criticism Without Commitment Isn’t Enough

One of the most famous quotes on American patriotism comes from James Baldwin, who wrote:

“I love America more than any other country in the world and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.”

It’s quoted often - for good reason. It captures something rare: deep love paired with honest critique. But what often gets overlooked is the last word. Baldwin wasn’t just defending the right to criticize - he was modeling a kind of committed patriotism. Staying engaged. Staying invested. Perpetually. Forever.

Too often today, we teach kids to call out what’s wrong - but not what to do next. We teach critique without ownership. We’ve created a generation of armchair critics with Wi-Fi and strong opinions - many of whom think fixing America involves posting memes and commenting on Reddit. But dissent without duty is just detachment.

Hot take, but if you can do it from your couch, you’re not saving democracy. Source: Canva

It’s not enough to name the problems. We need to raise children who ask: What’s my role in fixing it? Because pointing out the cracks is easy. But rolling up your sleeves to do the hard work is what a thriving country requires.

Patriotism Isn’t Red or Blue

This country has never had a smooth ride. Every generation has faced serious challenges - wars, recessions, civil unrest, moral failures, political division. What shaped the outcome wasn’t partisanship. It was perseverance.

We should teach our kids that being patriotic doesn’t require checking a political box. It means understanding the value of our institutions and our ideals - and being willing to protect both, especially when they are in tension with your politics. I’ve already started. My son’s barely a toddler, but he owns a board book on the Constitution. Sure, he mainly just drools on the Bill of Rights, but I want him to grow up with the sense that this inheritance - the good, the flawed, the still unfinished - is his to care for.

Patriotism means questioning bad laws while defending good ones, regardless of who wrote it. Supporting both free speech and respectful debate. Respecting human dignity and rule of law.

Too often, partisans on both sides declare the country broken or doomed the moment their party loses power - as if America only “works” when their team is in charge. That’s not patriotism. That’s fandom. Real patriotism looks beyond partisan blinders and toward the aspirations this country was built upon - freedom, equality, justice - not as finished products, but as goals that demand our effort.

Real Patriotism Requires Staying Power

Here’s the danger: if we only teach our kids what’s broken in America - and never how to stay committed to improving it - they’ll opt out entirely. They’ll assume it’s someone else’s problem. Or they’ll hand over the definition of “patriotism” to the loudest, most extreme voices in the room.

Similarly, if we teach our children to ignore our country’s flaws, they’ll grow up with a fragile kind of loyalty - one that only holds when things are easy. We must teach them that patriotism doesn’t mean believing your country is always right. It means standing by it when it’s not. It means investing your energy even when the payoff is slow or uncertain - not out of blind loyalty, but out of belief that our shared national project, however flawed, is worth the effort.

Whether it’s helping neighbors after a storm, volunteering at a polling place, mentoring younger students, or sitting through a three-hour school board meeting where someone brings up potholes AGAIN just so you can give a 2 minute speech - these small actions keep the civic engine running. They’re unglamorous. But they matter.

Steve, we get it, you don’t like potholes, but this meeting is about reading curriculum. Read the room. Source: generated image

The Lesson Worth Passing On

So yes, let’s teach our kids to be patriotic. Not because America is perfect - but because it can never become perfect without people who care enough to try.

Let’s raise young people who aren’t seduced by hollow displays or paralyzed by disappointment. Who understand that the country they inherit is both a burden and a gift. Who believe in holding their country accountable - but also believe it’s still worth defending.

Because one day, they’ll be the ones we rely on - to lead wisely, to build courageously, to carry the torch forward.

When that day comes, let’s make sure they’re not just watching.

Let’s make sure they’re ready.