The Cake Is a Lie—Banning Kids from Video Games Doesn’t Work
Helping kids build a healthy relationship with video games, not an obsession
With internal polling showing my numbers tanking amongst children of all ages after my previous post (posts?), it’s time to redeem myself with the youths. Let’s begin!
Growing up, my parents had a firm stance: no video game consoles. This wasn’t up for debate. My siblings and I could watch TV, read books, and play outside for hours, but an Xbox or PlayStation? Off-limits.
Now, as any policy wonk or economist worth their salt will tell you, prohibition can make people want whatever you’re banning even more. Any parent will tell you this is especially true for kids. If you tell kids they can’t have something, they’ll go to any lengths, turn to anyone they can to get what they want. In my case, that was my grandma.
You see, Grandma Macinerney had an N64, which at the time was top of the line, the pinnacle of gaming. The moment we walked through the door, my siblings and I would make a beeline for it, desperate to squeeze in as many rounds of Super Smash Bros. and Mario Party as possible before our parents pried the controllers from our hands so we could ‘spend time with family.’ I played Mario Party so much that I got blisters from those brutal joystick-rotating mini-games.
Thankfully, as I got older, my relationship with video games balanced out. In high school, my parents caved and got us an Xbox for the house, which helped take video games off the pedestal I held them on. Over my twenties, video games became more and more of a part of pop culture and morphed into a good way to make and stay in touch with friends. Today, I still carve out time to play about once a week, usually with a group of friends scattered across the country, some dating as far back as high school.
Over that time, video games have become ubiquitous—they’re everywhere. There isn’t a kid in America that doesn’t know about video games, and many have addictions to them that make my childhood obsession look quaint. This leads to the question: can we help our kids have a healthy relationship with video games? The answer is yes, and it is essential we do so.
Are Video Games Really a Problem? Actually, Yes
Many parents aren’t fans of video games, and it’s easy to see why. Concerns range from exposure to sensitive content to the dangers of interacting with strangers online. Past polling has shown over half of adults view gaming as a waste of time. The ever-present concern about excessive screen time also looms large, especially in an age where 50% of teens average four or more hours of screen time daily.
In many cases, these concerns are entirely valid. Some video games are purposeless, a mental sugar high filled with mindless action, or act as an easy escape from responsibilities. Other games contain violence or mature themes that aren’t suitable for young audiences, and industry game rating efforts do little to dissuade young users. The concern over online interactions is also legitimate—multiplayer games often include voice chat or text messaging, opening the door to conversations with adult strangers, verbal abuse, and worse.
All the while, screen time and video game addiction has become a real issue, with some children and teenagers spending hours each day immersed in digital worlds, often at the expense of schoolwork, physical health, and social interactions. Major health organizations, including the National Institutes of Health and the Cleveland Clinic officially list video game addiction as a mental health condition, with estimates showing up to 8% of teens meeting clinical criteria.
The hard truth here is that parents who heavily restrict or forbid video games outright are, in many cases, trying to make a sensible decision to protect their children. As much as some kids might object, the concerned parents aren’t the bad guys here. But as the rules of economics (and my grandma) show, prohibition breeds black markets, and if the kids want access to games, they will get it, some way or another, especially when they are so widespread. Barring massive policy changes, video games are here, and they’re here to stay, whether we like it or not.
The Right Game, at the Right Time
So, if video games are now a permanent fixture of society, where does that leave us? Is it time for my son to drop out of daycare to focus on his Fortnite streaming career? Not quite.
Just as with television, books, and the internet, video games are a medium. Not all video games are equal, and not all screen time is bad screen time. In fact, when approached the right way, video games can be beneficial in a variety of ways. The key is choosing the right games and setting the right conditions.
As I mentioned earlier, many games offer no real benefits beyond entertainment. Shooting games, hack-and-slash adventures, and simple mobile games exist purely to fill time. Other games offer more. Strategy games can teach players about tactics, resource management, and long-term planning. The Civilization series, for instance, subtly educates players about historical figures and places, diplomatic relations, and economic principles as they build and guide a society from prehistory to the near future.
Minecraft, one of the most popular games of all time, fosters creativity and teamwork. Players build elaborate structures, solve engineering challenges, and, in multiplayer settings, learn how to collaborate on large-scale projects. The game allows for exploration, problem-solving, and even basic coding skills with its Redstone mechanics.
Even social deduction games like the viral sensation Among Us can develop critical thinking and communication skills. Players must analyze behaviors, read between the lines, and use deductive reasoning to figure out who is deceiving the group. This kind of analytical thinking has real-world applications, from classroom discussions to professional settings.
Beyond skill development, video games can also provide a unique way to connect with others. Families and friends who live far apart can stay in touch through online gaming, creating shared experiences even when separated by distance. Siblings who may struggle to find common ground in real life can bond over co-op gameplay. Parents who are skeptical of gaming might even find that playing alongside their children opens up new conversations and a better understanding of their world.
Look no further than the COVID-19 pandemic, where online gaming provided a lifeline for social interaction. When face-to-face contact was limited, people of all ages turned to games to stay connected. These experiences showed that gaming, when used thoughtfully, can be more than just a solitary activity—it can be a meaningful way to build and maintain relationships.
The Final Boss—A Lack of Boundaries
Simply choosing the right game, however, is only half the battle—boundaries matter just as much. You can be playing the most educational game in the world, but if you’re spending 12 hours a day on it, it’s still an addiction. As with all things, the key is moderation, which, believe it or not, is not exactly a strength of most kids.
Here’s where we really have to flex the parenting muscles, starting with firm time limits. Before your kid logs on, make it clear how much time they have, and more importantly, enforce the limit when they reach it. Wasted all of your time in the character creator screen? Sorry, kiddo, gotta wait til next week.
Similarly, parents should also have clear rules about who their children play with, keeping interactions to real-world friends and family members rather than strangers. Be sure to check games for parental controls that allow for restricting online interactions, and occasionally check in on their messaging history to keep an eye out for unknown contacts. While there is the obvious benefit of avoiding the infinite supply of weirdos lurking on the internet, this has the knock-on effect of helping foster relationships that exist outside of the game world.
The Balanced Approach
The challenge isn’t to eliminate video games but to harness them in a way that benefits our kids rather than harms them. Parents who take an active role in shaping their child’s gaming habits may find that video games aren’t the enemy after all. With the right guidance, video games can be a force for good, providing entertainment, education, and social connections in a way that other media simply can’t match.
Video games are neither entirely good nor entirely bad. Like any form of entertainment, their value depends on how they’re used. When approached thoughtfully—by selecting the right games, setting clear rules, and emphasizing balance—gaming can be more than just a pastime. It can be a tool for learning, connection, and even personal growth.
Parents don’t have to fear gaming—they just need to take an active role in shaping their child’s experience. We can start by researching age-appropriate games, setting firm time limits, and even playing alongside your child. Video games aren’t going away, but with the right approach, they can become a positive part of your family’s life.