The Pressure to Be the Provider

Redefining Success in a Changing Economy

There’s a lot of talk these days about what it means to be a “provider.” You know the drill. You’re supposed to be the rock of the family, the financial backbone, the one who brings home the bacon (and, apparently, should also be able to cook it too). In theory, that sounds fine. But in reality? The weight of this responsibility can feel a little more like a boulder than a bacon strip, especially in today’s ever-changing economy.

Let’s take a quick reality check. Inflation hit us hard over the past few years—prices shot up on just about everything, and they don’t show signs of coming down anytime soon. Housing costs are still at record highs. It’s hard to ignore that the old model of being the sole breadwinner is starting to show some cracks for all but the highest earners. And that’s not just in theory—it’s my reality, and with 67 percent of married families with children co-working, probably yours too. That’s the reality for many families if we want to live comfortably in today’s economy.

I was raised in a single breadwinner home. My dad worked, my mom stayed home. So, when it comes to being the “provider,” there’s a lot of pressure that comes with that role. For many of us, it’s not just a matter of making ends meet—it’s about living up to the example set by the previous generation. And let’s be honest, that pressure feels a little heavier when you’re trying to juggle work, family, and the economy.

The Limits of the “Provider” Label

The days of the traditional “provider” role, where Dad works the 9-to-5 while Mom holds down the fort at home, are long gone for many of us. For families like mine, it’s a two-income world. And let’s be honest: it’s more than a little hustle. It’s gig work, side projects (fatherhood Substacks make money, right?), and occasional late nights just to keep things running smoothly.

It’s not that we mind the hustle—sometimes we even thrive in it. But the whole “provider” thing starts to feel a little outdated when a full-time job can't even cover your basic needs, let alone your wants. We’re told that being a “provider” means money in the bank, a nice house, and the kind of job that demands your every waking hour. But what if that’s not the only measure of success anymore?

Rethinking Success

When we think about success today, we have to ask ourselves: Is it really about a six-figure salary, owning a house in the suburbs, and driving a car that’s shiny and new? Because if it is, we’re all in trouble. Success isn’t just about bringing in the cash—it’s about having balance. It’s about providing a stable environment for your family—not just financially, but emotionally and mentally too.

Here’s the thing: We’ve been sold this idea of success that’s wrapped up in a paycheck, but in reality, success is about feeling secure. Sure, that security can come in the form of money—but it’s also about being able to enjoy time with your family without constantly worrying about bills, being present in your kids’ lives, and knowing you’re making decisions that align with your values.

And if that means stepping back from a career that demands everything and finding a new path that gives you a bit more breathing room? Then that’s success too. It doesn’t have to be one-size-fits-all.

The Rise of the “New Provider”

There’s a shift happening, and it’s time to acknowledge it. The “new provider” doesn’t just bring in the money. He’s part of a team—whether that’s co-parenting, co-working, or whatever shape your family dynamic takes. The new provider is also someone who’s thinking about their mental health, their physical well-being, and their relationships, not just their bank balance.

For some families, the man as the sole breadwinner works perfectly well—and that’s great. For others, the co-breadwinner model makes more sense. It’s a new world, and the definition of “providing” is broadening. It’s not just about the financial side of things anymore—it’s about what keeps your family together and healthy in the long run. What works for one family doesn’t necessarily work for another, and that’s the point here.

So, if you’re feeling the pressure to be the provider, it’s time to take a step back and redefine what that means for you. If you and your partner are both working to stay afloat, that’s perfectly okay. If your family thrives with one of you staying home, that’s great too. What matters is finding what works for your situation—not what the world says should work.

So, stop worrying about fitting into someone else’s idea of what it means to “provide.” Redefine it on your terms, and focus on what really matters: building a life that works for your family.