The Myth of Monk Mode

How Self-Optimization Can Leave You Empty & Alone

When you hear something like the term “Monk Mode,” the mind only has so many places it can go. Thanks to eight years of Catholic school and too many viewings of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, mine went to robes, home-brewed beer, and chanting Gregorian hymns while rocking the original retro haircut. If it involved me taking a vow to never speak again, my wife might consider it.

Did you know this haircut is called a tonsure? As in, I am tonsure this is a badass haircut.

Sadly, the reality was far less charming. No robes. No beer. No chanting. No haircuts. No blessed silence for my family. Instead, an online trend promising to revolutionize my life. Alrighty then.

Monk Mode is a productivity philosophy that encourages cutting out any and all distractions to focus solely on self-improvement and work. It sounds appealing on the surface—take the spirit of pulling an all-nighter before a big test and apply that level of intensity to your job or workout routine, all the time. Maximum effort. Optimize every moment. Become the greatest version of yourself.

Only, you don’t become the greatest version of yourself. You become the emptiest version of yourself.

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The Allure of the Abbey

On its face, Monk Mode seems like a bold antidote to a noisy, distraction-filled world. Social media? Gone. Hobbies? A distraction from the gains. Even spending time with family and friends is deemed unnecessary if they don’t align with your “self-optimization” goals. It’s the self-help equivalent of a juice cleanse.

And just like a juice cleanse, Monk Mode has its target audience, with the hashtag #monkmode garnering over 67.4 million views on TikTok, primarily from young men. As we’ve discussed before, many young men today are feeling lonelier, more disconnected, and unsure of their place in the world. A recent Harvard study revealed that 61% of young adults report feeling "serious loneliness," making them the loneliest demographic in the U.S. The benchmarks for success—whether in relationships, careers, or even hobbies—seem impossibly high, leaving them with a sense of failure before they’ve even started. Monk Mode offers what seems like a clear solution: cut the noise, work harder, and transform your life through sheer willpower.

There’s a reason this promise is so intoxicating. It’s easy to imagine a better, stronger version of yourself emerging from the grind, victorious over distraction and mediocrity. But beneath the surface, this philosophy leads not to greatness, but to isolation and dissatisfaction.

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The Illusion of Self-Optimization and the Reality of Isolation

While the concept of Monk Mode might seem inspiring at first glance, its philosophy unravels when examined closely. What appears to be a pathway to success and fulfillment often has unintended consequences, as it reshapes priorities and relationships in ways that leave users worse off.

First and foremost, Monk Mode distorts the role of work in our lives. Work is important, but it’s not the end goal. We work to provide, to find purpose, and to create a better life for ourselves and our loved ones. Monk Mode flips this on its head, making work and self-improvement the sole focus while sacrificing the things that truly make life meaningful. Joy, relationships, and relaxation—the very things we often work to help provide—are stripped away in pursuit of an idealized version of productivity. When ambition turns into obsession, there’s little room left for the connections and pleasures that make life rich.

And those connections matter. People aren’t meant to go it alone. We thrive on relationships, emotional support, and a sense of belonging, yet Monk Mode demands the abandonment of these ties in favor of solitary discipline. Relationships are framed as distractions, but this ignores a simple truth: meaningful connections are essential to a fulfilling life. Your job doesn’t love you. Your squat PR can’t help you face your darkest moments. Over time, social isolation chips away at your ability to find comfort and joy in the people around you. Chronic isolation isn’t just emotionally damaging—it’s physically harmful; the Surgeon General has declared prolonged loneliness comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

The isolation from focusing solely on self-improvement also comes at the expense of contributing to the greater good. Monk Mode glorifies self-reliance to such an extent that it neglects the satisfaction that comes from being a dependable neighbor, a kind friend, or an active member of a community. A life spent obsessing over personal optimization, an inherently selfish proposition, leaves little room for acts of kindness or collaboration—the very things that make us human.

These side effects don’t exist in isolation. They build on each other, setting up followers of Monk Mode for catastrophic failure. Life is unpredictable, and no amount of discipline can guarantee success. A bad economy, a personal setback, or sheer bad luck can derail even the best-laid plans. The illusion of control offered by Monk Mode leaves its practitioners particularly vulnerable when things go wrong. Without the support of friends, family, or a community, bouncing back becomes exponentially harder. When reality doesn’t match the fantasy, the fall is both lonely and brutal.

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A Life Worth Building

For most of us—dads, professionals, and community members—the flaws in Monk Mode are self-evident. It’s not a sustainable way to live when people are counting on you. But for the young men in our lives, this path can feel dangerously appealing. Lacking the experience to see its pitfalls, they might not realize the value of balance or the importance of joy and connection.

We need to guide them by modeling what it means to live a balanced life. They should see us pursuing goals while making time for family, celebrating small victories, and finding fulfillment beyond work. They need to hear us talk openly about struggles and failures, so they understand that asking for help or leaning on others is not a weakness but a strength. Success isn’t just about personal achievement—it’s about building a life rich in purpose and connection. By helping them connect their ambitions to broader goals, such as family, community, or making a difference in the world, we can shift the focus from self-optimization to something far more fulfilling.

The appeal of Monk Mode lies in its promise of clarity and control, but true fulfillment comes from embracing life’s messiness. It’s about finding strength in community, joy in simple pleasures, and meaning in the ways we support and connect with others. By helping the young men around us see this, we can guide them toward a life that’s not just efficient, but truly worthwhile.